Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
