when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
