The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
