I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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