Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
