It was confusing and full of hummus
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
