..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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