New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
