Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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