Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize