I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
