and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
