the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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