In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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