we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
