so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
