i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
