she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she smelled like a LAN party
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
