He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
