apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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