I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
