She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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