this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
