I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
