we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
should my penis look like a turkey
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
