and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
