I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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