He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
