Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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