I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
