Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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