so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
