I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
