I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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