So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
