I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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