My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm always down for nudity.
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