is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
