Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All the doctor said was why
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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