I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
