You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize