White coat. Heels.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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