And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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