Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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