Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
whose parrot is this?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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