It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
