Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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