Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
