He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
