I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
