Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
