Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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