Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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