Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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