I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
