id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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