Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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