It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
