thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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