Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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