I looked at my own cervix.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
