I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
