It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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