are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
