dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish i was in the wii world.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
