My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm having to shit out rocks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
