to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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