I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
