Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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