I love black thongs
and she was petting her beer can
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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