Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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