You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
