his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
