We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
