worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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