I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
