it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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