Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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