Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
