Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
